| Peter Cook
It is ok not to be ok – Part 2
‘Hi, how are you?’ Your friend is always chirpy. Doesn’t she ever feel a bit low? Suddenly, you don’t want to pretend anymore.
‘Well, actually, I am not fine. I don't feel good, and I don't think things are going to change for the better anytime soon.'
Most of us will never say this. It will be too weird! In our society, we are always pushed to be optimistic and to try to be positive.
Show up! Smile! Think positive thoughts! Push past the pain.
But, what if you are not in the mental space to be like this?
What do we do with the feelings we have? What if you really feel devastated about something or sad all of the time? What do you do?
Being present with what you feel
What if it was possible not to hurry your feelings? But, to instead work through them until you feel better? Optimism is not bad, but it is often used as a substitute to deny what people really feel.
Sadness is an emotion too.
Why do we always see sadness as something to be replaced or resolved? What if we can operate inside of the grief – let it out and sees where it leads us?
It is not easy to just be
It is not an easy task – to just be with your loneliness or sadness. Sadness is an emotion, just like any other and does not make you weak or wrong.
Working through your sadness can get you to a place where you can honestly assess your feelings, and decide what you want to do next.
Such an outlook is rooted in an appreciation for your own happiness and well-being.
Name your emotions
We need to learn to be strong in just being right where we are.
‘I feel unloved.'
It can help to broaden your vocabulary to describe your emotions. To say you feel ‘bad’ is not enough.
If you can explore your feelings and say that you feel ‘not content,' ‘sad,' ‘unsatisfied,' ‘unloved,' ‘unappreciated,' ‘afraid,' ‘confused' or ‘inadequate' is much better.
These words get you to the heart of the matter, faster. You can decide why you feel this way and do something about it.
Fix it fast
It is because they are human.
The people who love us find it hard to see us sad or depressed. It is a human tendency for them to try and fix what is wrong and do so quickly.
Recognize it and work with it. Let your loved ones off the hook, but without compromising your own needs.
Say: ‘I am feeling sad because Grandma died. I am not ready to feel anything else at the moment. I need to be sad for a while. Can you let me be?’
Or use the word ‘processing.'
When someone asks you, "How are you feeling?" you can say, "I'm processing. Thanks for asking." You are truthful, without offering up your exact feelings.
How wonderful would it be if we can permit ourselves just to be and to be able to ‘feel' through our emotions?
It will make us more comfortable in our own skins and help us to be more honest with ourselves.
It is ok not to feel ok.
Everyone needs to know this. Our mission at Largest Heart is to spread this message. You can help by donating to our cause. Please see the details elsewhere on our website.
There are ways to cope.
Reach out, read, talk to people, or follow our suggestions in this blog.
Of course, it may be that you feel that your problems are more significant than our suggestions and that you cannot cope with it alone.
Please remember, suicide is never the answer to your problems. There are professionals who can help you. We’d be happy to refer you to someone and our resource page includes a list of numbers and websites that can offer help and assistance. You are not alone in this and help is there – you have to do the hardest part…and ask.